Woodstock ‘99: White Boys Gone Wild
A review of one of the sexiest festivals ever
I was watching White Boys Gone Wild otherwise known as Trainwreck: Woodstock ‘99 on Netflix and I felt dirty. Mostly because young white topless men were splashing around in cesspools of shit water.
These barely legal bros shook their fists like no one was watching. Is it hot-tempered in here or is it just me? When they started smashing everything in sight, that’s when it got really nasty. I wanted to look away but I couldn’t. It sure was a train wreck. A naughty, scrumptious train wreck.
Looking to get turned on by some old-school rage porn, I watched the documentary of the original Woodstock in 1969. Boring. It was all peace and love and dandelions and brown acid. Where was the violence? The destruction of property? The reckless abandon of other human beings? Totally harshed my mellow, man. I tuned in, but couldn’t wait to drop out.
Two songs from the festivals stood out as representatives of the attitudes of the different eras.
In 1969, it was the sarcasm of Country Joe McDonald’s I Feel Like I’m Fixin To Die, which has this chorus:
And it’s 1, 2, 3, what’re we fighting for?
Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn
Next stop is Vietnam
And it’s 5, 6, 7, open up the pearly gates
Well there ain’t no time to wonder why
Whoopee! we’re all gonna die
Speaking of who doesn’t give a damn, I don’t. I see your satire showing Country Joe and it’s embarrassing.
Compare it to the sincerity of Nookie by Limp Bizkit in 1999:
I did it all for the nookie (come on!)
The nookie (come on!)
So you can take that cookie
And stick it up your (yeah!)
Stick it up your (yeah!)
Stick it up your (yeah!)
Stick it up your…
Poetry.
It’s ironic that the 60's Woodstock was protesting to end a war while the 90's Woodstock became a war zone. It’s no accident that it was held at Griffiss Air Force Base. Clever move, festival producers. There was of course some questionable behavior but what can you expect from men who have been in the literal shit for 3 days? Rape, misogyny, and vandalism are to be expected. This was war. Things happen that must be ignored. And let’s not forget that artesian water was available (only $4 a bottle!). Like any successful war, the idea of another one someday is incomprehensible. How can it be topped?
After 72 hours of carnage, the boys went back to their properly privileged lives. They grew to be men, never forgetting the abuse and hatred they unleashed at Woodstock ‘99. The good times. Whatever their position in their career, in government, or in life their mantra remains the same as it did over 20 years ago. What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine.
If you don’t like it, then you can stick it up your (yeah!).
