Confessions of a Midnight Snacker

This is a stock image of someone I don’t know sitting on the floor of a grocery store surrounded by bags of chips. Photo by Matheus Henrin from Pexels

Sneaking a snack is a high-risk heist, and I’m the elusive thief with the plan.

I want to eat my potato chips at 12:17 am by the glow of late-night TV in peace. Just me and my couch patatas. It’s a whole operation since the snack bags are so loud. When I’m in the mood for salty snacks, I will eat them, but I don’t want to announce it to the whole house. It’s a pleasure that I’d like to keep to myself. Maybe I have some sort of snacking complex, which is silly since snacking is simple. Grab your salty bag of starch and processed goodness and make love to it with your mouth.

I typically wait until my wife and kids are asleep. I walk lightly into the kitchen, slowly open the cabinet door, and search the 2nd row for snacks. I’m partial to Salt N’ Vinegar and Nacho Cheese Doritos, which we usually have on hand since my wife buys them as a snack treat for our young daughters. I grabbed the bag of chips and a bowl and had to the back room of our Philadelphia house. I put the bowl on a table and QUIETLY pour chips from the bag into it. I hold the bag up to check the chip level. There’s a small dent in the volume but nothing significant. I take the bag back to the cabinet, the bowl in my other hand, and place the bag back in its original spot on the shelf. No one is the wiser that I moved them! I’m in it for the bounty, but hot damn, I love the thrill of the game.