CDC Introduces New COVID-19 Test

The Anal Swab

Sure, the PCR nasal swab is the gold standard of COVID-19 tests and moderately uncomfortable but I heard the CDC is introducing an anal swab. It’s essentially a mop. Like the stringy kind. You drop your drawers in a parking lot and a medical professional inserts the mop and twirls it at the handle around your insides for a minute or two. They give you a dish rag to bite down on, which I think is nice.

Do it on a Friday night and turn it into a party. Invite your friends. Practice social distancing of course. That professional needs a…