Bye Bye Ads in the Sky?
Thoughts while sitting in a beach chair
It was the last week of summer and my family and I we’re spending it in Long Beach Island, NJ. LBI as it’s known.
“I’m surprised those aren’t drones by now,” I said to my wife, as I watched a plane fly above with a fabric billboard attached to its tail. Kate peered up for a moment and shrugged. She went back to applying the third round of sunscreen to our youngest, I worried about the livelihood of the banner plane pilots. Did they only fly in the summer when there was a captive audience? Were they commercial pilots moonlighting as flying marketers? Maybe even professional crop dusters with spare time? They must know that they are going to be replaced by robots and remote controls someday. Isn’t that the fate of us all? Until then, they fly straight as an arrow at a slow pace for the ants down below.
My guess is that piloting an Adplane…it sounds like the way a 5-year old would say airplane…it did when I tried it…you should try it too…let me know if you agree or don’t. Anyway, my guess is that piloting an Adplane is more difficult than being a sign spinner. The ground-level equivalent of the Adplane aviator. Both are trying to get us to act now but twirling a large sign seems easier than hauling one across the sky. Not to disparage sign spinners. There’s a dance to their profession. More flamboyant than a steady flight through the blue. The sign spinners are performers. They try to get our attention with their fancy moves in hopes you stop, read the sign, and go down the block to the store. The difference is that the pilots know the ads are the stars, not them.
I imagine the head of aerial advertising saying, “Slow and steady, that’s how you get people to read the sign.” I’m sure they have a speed limit and a height that they adhere to. I’ve never seen a plane zip by at a 1000 mph and 20,000 feet with a fabric billboard. Although that might make things more interesting. “What did that sign say?! I must know!” I’d scream, as the plane shot like a rocket.
The boss of the sign spinners takes a Hollywood approach. “Feel the sign, love the sign, the sign is an extension of you. If you’re into what the sign says, then the audience will be.”
I remember seeing a spinner in NYC slinging a sign over his head, around his back, in between his legs, then stopping for a moment to hold it chest high. It had an arrow on it preceded by the words “50% off suits, this way.” Simple and it sounded like a good deal, sure, but suspect. I figured the suits were made out of grocery bags or missing sleeves. The phrase I’ll be on you like a cheap suit comes to mind but I’m realizing now that I don’t know the origin. Is that a dig at all the suckers who fell for the 50% suit sale? Those that impulsively bought a suit that’s clinging to them like plastic wrap because they can’t resist a great deal. Whatever the meaning, I bought two of the worst suits of my life that day.
I stared up at the clouds and wondered if the Adplanes would be discontinued altogether. I’ve never acted on anything that they told me to do, I thought. As if on cue, a plane slowly appeared with a banner featuring a Philadelphia Eagles helmet and the words “Go Birds.” I repeated the phrase from my beach chair and my brother, without looking up, echoed my chant while adding a fist pump.
